the broken typewriter

By Brad Brain

I am about to be an empty nester. Coping with the reality of my kids growing up, and all of the things that go with that, is not an easy transition.

I think of my own mortality. I think of past regrets from events that happened decades ago that have no legitimate reason to continue to haunt me. Some days it feels like someone has split me open and ripped off a piece of my core, leaving a big empty hole inside me.  I am yearning for the days of long ago, now gone and never to happen again.

Yesterday I had some desperate feelings of loneliness. The situation is exacerbated as my wife Holly is at an event in Hong Kong this week, so I can’t even talk to her as I typically do.

I suppose this is what a mid-life crisis looks like. I can see this as the type of scenario that can stimulate self-destructive behaviour. For me the only consequence so far is that I keep buying really nice cars. I know that’s the stereotypical cliché but I am happy with it. Holly isn’t complaining either.

There are more significant changes that can happen when a person reaches this stage of life. There is a significant trend called “Grey Divorce” where people that have been married for decades decide that its time to end the marriage. Apparently “Grey Coming Out” is also a thing, where people are now ready to announce their sexuality that they have kept masked for many years.

It’s a tumultuous, disruptive time. Here’s my point.

This stage in life can be amazing. It can be when you reap the benefits of all the hard work you have done to put you where you are now. It can be when you finally have the time and the resources to do the things you have been looking forward to. It can be full and rewarding.

Or it can be miserable. It can be when all the old wounds, physical and mental, ache every day. It can be when all the failures of a lifetime rise up and remind you daily that you are imperfect. It can be empty and meaningless and boring.

The great news is, to a large extent, you get to pick what kind of retirement you are going to experience. You have some control over this.

I spend a lot of time planning people’s retirements. But there is more to a happy retirement than just money.

Regardless of your financial position, here is the key to a happy retirement. Are you retiring to something, or are you retiring from something?

Retiring to something means that you are looking forward to a new and exciting chapter, where your days are filled with what makes you happy. Retiring from something means the end of what you used to do. But if you don’t replace what you used to do with something meaningful, you are inviting misery to fill the void.

This is something that has been studied thoroughly, and the evidence is overwhelming. Some of the very best things that you can do to have a happy life is to have people that you care about to share it with, and to do stuff you enjoy. This may sound simple, but its also fact.

The people that are happy in retirement are the ones that have meaningful, sharing, caring relationships. Family and friendships are important and, like it or not, you are going to start losing both as time passes. Make a purposeful effort to maintain your important relationships, and even make new friends if possible.

In retirement the happy people are the ones that fill their days with meaningful activities. It doesn’t really matter what the activities are, they just have to be important to you. Hobbies, social clubs, sports, charitable acts, volunteering, artistic endeavours and creative pursuits are the things that make the difference between happiness and drudgery.

In my profession most of the time is spent on getting the money ready for retirement, but it’s equally ready to get your psyche ready for it. Just as the best time to financially prepare for retirement is well in advance, the best time to emotionally prepare is before it happens.

You want your retirement to be something you are retiring to. Not something that you are retiring from, leaving a big empty hole in your life.

Retirement is coming. What are you retiring to?

Brad Brain. CFP, R.F.P., CIM, TEP is a Certified Financial Planner in Fort St John, BC. This material is prepared for general circulation and may not reflect your individual financial circumstances. Brad can be reached at www.bradbrainfinancial.com.